A Change for the Better
The only warning I have is the soft sound of a car getting closer before it zooms past me, splashing the slush from the side of the road all over me. Perfect, just fucking perfect. It’s bad enough that I have to walk to school when there’s two feet of snow on the ground, but add this to the mix and I’m tempted to just lie in the road where nobody would notice me til it was too late. Today is worse than the usual day. My boyfriend cheated on me a month ago and yesterday he decided to remind me of how happy he is now. It’s the anniversary of my fathers death, to top it all off.
He knows it too. He’s always trying to make me unhappy. I shouldn’t be so surprised at him. He was my first boyfriend, after so many others had rejected me. I’m beginning to feel like nobody will ever love me again. I’d shut myself out from the world for a very long time and today isn’t going be any different.
First and Second block went perfectly fine, no mishaps, nothing important happening at all. It’s not until I’m on my way to Lunch that something happened.
I’m standing at my locker and he just has to show up. He clearly has nothing better to do than to walk right up to me, close my locker and stand there with his smug grin.
“Still single Singe?”
Singe, my nickname from the school barbeque that I managed to get all my hair burned off. It could have been a worse nickname but I still hated it.
“Back off, Teeny Willy.”
His nickname wasn’t ever confirmed but he clearly hated it. His eyes light up with anger and he slams my shoulder into the lockers, pinning me there.
“Look, cunt, just because you’re a depressed little ball of shit doesn’t mean you have to bring everyone else down with your sorrows.”
I want to cry, but I can’t let him see that. I’m about to retaliate when a slender arm comes between us and pulls Will away from me.
It’s the new kid. He’d just moved here from New England and hardly anybody knows his name. I think it’s Rook. He’s a senior, an outcast in the whole senior community but he doesn’t seem to be bothered by it. He can always be seen dancing down the hallways or singing some kind of loud screamo song at the top of his lungs. Nobody bothers to talk to him, except for the goth kids. Even then, only for his music taste. Rook has this air around him that he’s a super nice guy until you piss him off. He also seemed easy to piss off.
Will looks enraged as he turns to face Rook.
“What the fuck do you want, freak?”
Rook smiles at him and, in a completely calm voice, replies;
“I would like it very much if you could kindly never touch the beautiful young lady again. Her clothes are far too awesome for your filth to come into contact with. And if you don’t comply with this request I will be forced to hospitalize you in the most cruel manner I can possibly come up with.”
The smile never leaves Rooks face, instead it widens and a cruel light enters his hazel eyes. They seem to glare a hole into Will’s face, but Will doesn’t notice.
“You really are a freak aren’t you?”
Rook’s smile falters for just a moment, so quickly that I barely noticed it, but it returns with renewed vigor, not even a moment later.
“Oh yes I am, the worst kind. Now. Back. Off. From. My. Friend.”
The emphasis in Rooks voice with each word is scary. He doesn’t sound like he should be smiling at all. In fact, he sounds like he should be in the form of a wild tiger, getting ready to pounce. Everybody around looks shocked and Will’s face turns pale.
“Well, we’re at school, otherwise I would hit you so hard that you’d never smile again. Later freak.”
He practically runs as he went on to his next class. I almost laugh but I don’tt want to be here anymore so I rush to my next class.
I should feel grateful to Rook but I’m honestly not sure what to think about him. What right did he have to act like that. He isn’t my friend. I don’t even know him. I don’t want to know him. Or at least I tell myself I don’t. He acts confident and tough but he’s clearly hiding something and I don’t like it. And he called me his friend. Nobody calls me their friend. I’m okay with this, I don’t want to care about people, for feel that they won’t care back.
School finally gets out and I proceed to leave the godforsaken building as fast as I can. I’m just about to leave school grounds and take my shortcut when I hear a voice behind me.
“Hey you!”
Shit, it’s Rook. I walk faster. I feel a snowball hit me in the back. Furious, I turn around and prepare to yell at him. Before I get a word out, another snowball hits me in the shoulder. The smile on his face is so friendly that I can’t even be angry at him. He’s annoying as all hell, but I kind of like it.
I lean down and pick up a handful of snow. I form it into a ball quickly and chuck it his way. It hits him in the face and he falls backward into a snowbank. He clutches his face and makes a shout of agony. Immediately, I feel guilty and run to him. I kneel in the snow and put my hand on his shoulder.
“Are you okay?!”
His sobs turn to laughter and I barely have time to think before a pile of snow is shoved into my face. By the time I have it cleared out of my eyes, he’s standing above me with a snowball in each hand.
“You’re no match for me, mortal!”
He declares in a loud, noble voice. I can’t help myself; I burst out into laughter. Real laughter. Not that fake small laugh but the real thing. Uncontrollable laughter for what felt like forever. When I finally manage to look up again, the look of mock indignation on his face just sets me off again and it’s another minute before I can breathe again. He offers his hand to me to help me stand up and without thinking, I take it. I accepted his help. I put my trust into the hands of a stranger. It may be a small gesture to most people but to me it’s everything. He pulls me up and embraced me. His hug was kind of awkward, but in a comforting way. Almost like an older brother, if I had one I’m sure this is what it would feel like to hug him. I shouldn’t be doing this. I can’t get attached to anybody, it will only end badly. Like it always does.
He lets me go and takes a small step back.
“You’re not a bad opponent, you know.”
I smile and punch his shoulder.
“You’re not so bad yourself, Lord Rook!”
His grin widens into a goofy smile.
“Lord Rook, I like that. You can refer to me as that from now on! Do you have a cell phone?”
I am tempted to say no but against my will I say yes, and pull it out of my pocket. He snatches it out of my hand and runs away like an idiot. I stand there, too shocked to react and by the time I decide I’m going to hit him he’s already back and handing my cell phone to me. It’s open onto a contact named “Rook, Great Lord of All.”
The cheery grin on his face is enough to make anybody happy. He seems to enjoy even the tiniest things in life, without a care in the world. Somehow, I feel that he uses that as a mask. Somehow, I feel that he’s just like me.
I roll my eyes at him and pocket my phone, sticking out my free hand to take his cell phone as well. He tosses it into my palm without question and prepares to chase after me. I don’t run, I simply put my number in, under “Queen of the Darkness.”
I return his phone to him and he chuckles like a little kid.
“Aren’t you just the little copy cat?”
He pockets his phone and spins on his heel.
“See you at school tomorrow your majesty?”
I nod, and then realize he can’t see me.
“Absolutely, M’lord!”
As I walk home I realize that if that hadn’t just happened, I probably wouldn’t have gone to school tomorrow. I’d been planning on running away and never returning to school again. Possibly just not even waking up ever again. Something about the way Rook behaved towards me has changed my outlook on life. I can’t see the future, but I know that this silly guy is going to be my best friend. And I’m pretty sure I’m going to be his.
Just when things get better
I just got a job, my mother’s cancer is slowly getting better, things are finally beginning to get better. I walk out of the office door with a bounce in my step and a smile on my face. The Secretary smiles at me and offers her congratulations. I thank her adamantly and continue my way towards the elevator.
I pass cubicle after cubicle of men and women hard at work. Another week and I’d have my own little cubicle here. I’d be making new friends and finally get my own apartment.
I press the little arrow pointing downwards and bounce on the heels of my worn shoes. Hands in my pockets, I smile at the man standing next to me for the elevator. He grins back and nods in approval. He must have heard about me getting the job.
The door opens and my attention is drawn to the empty little room. I stride in quickly and make room for the man. As the elevator descends, my hopes ascend even higher.
When the door opens again I’m so full of elation that I practically run out of the elevator. Straight into a young woman with files in her hand. We fall to the ground with papers all around us.
As I help her to pick up the papers I can’t help but notice how beautiful she is. Her smooth face is surrounded by a halo of soft brown curls and her light green eyes shine with such happiness that my own happiness swells.
“I am so sorry!”
I repeat over and over again. She smiles and helps me to my feet.
“Don’t worry about it! I’m not in a rush. My name is Sally, by the way.”
I chuckle nervously and straighten myself out as I try to work up a reply. My tongue sticks and all I manage to say is something about how her name is pretty. Her smile widens and she brushes a curl out of her face.
“Well thank you! I’ve got to get to work now but I’ll definitely see you around.”
She turns and walks into the elevator, waving to me as the door closes.
“Yeah, see you around.”
By now, it feels like my every dream is coming true. I have a job, a car soon, a home and I’ve even met someone!
I’m practically gliding by the time I step outside the tall office building. I check my watch to discover that I have four minutes to catch my bus. I run, run as fast as I can with not a care in the world. The bus is early and I decide to cut across the road. I don’t see any cars coming so I know I can make it. As I near the other side of the road, I hear a loud honking.
As I turn, the last thing I see is the front end of a Tractor Trailer Rig and the last thing I think is how she’ll never know my name.
Ladies First
“Ladies first!”
I call out as I open the gas station door in mock gallantry. Josh laughs and gestures for me to enter.
“Oh please, thou art so much more feminine than I!”
He puts on his best haughty voice and bows deeply. She scoffs at the two of us and pushes us through the door.
“You’re both whiny bitches so get in there!”
I scoff at her and held my palm out to her face, putting on my best girly voice and swishing my hips back and forth as I sway through the open door.
“Oh no you didn’t! You did not just say that. Girl, I am not feminine in the least.”
She laughs that perfect laugh, the laugh that always made me feel light in the chest. I smile at her and hold my arm out for her to take my hand. She never gets the chance.
“Help! stop that man!”
The store clerk yells out to us. A man dressed in black is rushing towards the door, a knife in one hand, a bag of money in the other. I reach for my firearm, but not fast enough. The robber bowls me over, knocking me into a chip stand and sending me sprawling on to the floor. I can hear her screaming; Josh makes a grunt of pain and glass shatters.
I draw my pistol and sit up; a strange weight on my chest making the movement excruciating. Everything comes to me in a glance; while Josh has only been knocked unconscious, she is caught in the worst of it. The robber has her by the hair and is dragging her through the parking lot, holding a pistol in the hand where the knife had been only a moment ago. I aim the firearm at his chest.
Everything freezes for me; I can see the pain on her face and the anger on his. I can just barely hear the clerk dialing 9-1-1. Then there’s nothing but the man threatening to take my love from me, and the pistol I am going to use to stop him. One trigger pull, two, three, four, again and again until the hammer snaps back and the robber lies motionless in a puddle of his own blood.
As I drop my pistol, I see blood on my own hand. How did it get there? I think to myself. A simple glance down to my chest gives me my answer. The handle of the robber’s knife protrudes from just beneath my sternum. The weight on my chest gets heavier and I collapse back to the floor into a limp pile of skin and bones. The only thing I can feel is warm blood as it trickles down my sides and stomach, soaking my shirt and pooling to the floor beneath me.
I can’t move; I can barely breathe. Panic starts to well up in me as fear grips at my already slowing heart.
Then she’s there, hovering above me, a single tear rolling down her cheek and she takes my hand in hers. I speak. every word causes my chest to scream in agony. I have to say it. I know I’m dying. I can see the dark at the edges of my eyes.
“I love you.”
She hesitates to reply, and in that moment, as my mind shuts down and my body goes completely limp I realize, she never did love me.
Shattered Window Panes
The shoe spun slowly past my head, it was a green DC shoe with electric blue laces and black details. The shoe wasn’t supposed to go anywhere near me, I’m sure. I’m not even facing whoever threw the shoe but I know who it was. My mom is screaming at my dad again. I don’t have to look; I can see the way he cowers before her. He’s drunk, like he always is, and he doesn’t even know what’s going on. I don’t even know what’s going on.
All I know is that the window that the shoe hits resembles my life as it shatters into a million little pieces. The pieces drop to the ground and clatter around like rain. I know that my parents are going to get divorced soon and I know that it’s my fault. My life, like the window, is falling to pieces. My best friend betrayed me and now the whole school laughs at me as I walk through the halls.
“Whore,” “Slut,” “Cum bucket.” These are just an example of the many names I get called as I go about my day. I didn’t even do anything. My friend spread a rumor and now I’m a virgin that’s the biggest slut in the world.
That’s probably what my mom is screaming about. She blames dad for how I am. Says that if he’d been around more I wouldn’t be sleeping around with all these guys and getting called all these things.
She doesn’t even understand that I’m who I am because of her. I don’t sleep around. I don’t even talk to people. All because I’m afraid they might be like her. Afraid that they might be lying, cheating bitches. Just like my only friend turned out to be.
I can hear my moms muffled screaming so I turn my music up again. This is a nice song. It fits my situation nicely as it sings about how the singer is sorry for failing his parents. How he wishes he could change it all but it was never under his control in the first place. It was theirs.
That’s me. Except it isn’t just my parents fault. It’s everyone’s fault. From the boy who rejected me in fourth grade because I had weird hair, to the guy that dated me for two years and then left me because I wouldn’t put out. From the teacher that laughed at me when I tripped in class, to the girl that stuck her foot out in the first place.
The only bright side of this situation is that I’ll be living with my grandparents in a couple weeks. I’ve been planning to leave for a long time and everything was in order. They live on a farm and I day dream all the time about the beautiful hills and forests.
A sudden shout of anger from my dad pulls me out of my reverie. My dad never shouts, this could be a big thing. I turn around and my heart skips a beat. My mom had retrieved my dads 9mm from its hiding place in his desk and was pointing it at him. I scream too but nothing can be done. She’s already made her decision and an ear shattering crack fills the room. A flash of light later and my dad is falling backwards to the floor. As he falls, so do my hopes and dreams. Without him, I’ll never get to my grandparents. Without him, I’ll never laugh again. I’ll never smile, I’ll never have fun.
In a blind fury, I charge my mom and start to beat on her. Another crack sounds and the light flashes again. This time I can feel myself falling backwards. It feels as if a fist is hitting my stomach and pushing me to the ground. The world spins around me; the corners of my eyes go dark. I’m dead before I hit the ground.
